BOOMER ZONE

Part 3 - Not Madhair

In a room decored similarly to a medievil torture chamber, Ed and Mike eyed up Chaos X3. Beads of sweat broke out from pore on X3's face and his palms began to feel clammy. Mike's eyebrows got closer and closer to his nostrils the more he stared at X3 and Ed sat on a cushioned pedastal, twizzling a small shuriken in his right hand.

"This obsession of yours is getting too much," spoke Ed, finally.

"It's just a spur of the moment thing!" cried X3 in despair. "It doesn't get in the way of my work."

"But it does!" yelled Mike. "It wouldn't be so bad if it was over girls, even over us...but the colour PURPLE!?"

Chaos shrank back in his seat, knowing just how pathetic it sounded. Ed closed his eyes in sorrow.

"Had this been any other slave, we would have exiled you by now," sighed Ed. X3's face grew even more red, but for different reasons to Mike's fuming face. "As it stands, you're not fit to be a moderator anymore. I'm revoking your powers."

Ed leant over and ripped the badge from X3's chest. He let out a howl as the blood seeped from the open wound. Mike switched his gaze to the piece of loose skin hanging off the badge.

"Leave the Hume Zone, now, X3," ordered Mike. "I expect you to be digging with the other slaves by sundown."

Sundown had been and gone. On the dawning of a new day, Ed, Mike, Jim, Retro and Sin converged at the Meeting Zone. With all the mods lazing about in oversized leather chairs from Sweden, Ed was the first to stand and begin the briefing.

"You may be aware of the events of 2 nights since," began Ed. "You may be interested to hear that Chaos X3 has been stripped of his moderation powers."

Sin snarfed inside. He'd never liked X3, thought he was too clingy to the Admin and just wanted to just once give him a slap with his tail.

"However, there is good news," spoke Mike as he too raised. "We have found a more-than-perfect replacement for the ungrateful echidna. We found him drawing cartoons of random people in the streets of Cambridge so we thought we'd bring him here before he was killed by a group of offended nuns."

The mods stared blankly. Retro shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

"I'd like you all to welcome....Madhair_60!

The door opened and the team were presented with the grotesque Stuart Gipp.

Suffering an accident involving hairspray and a collection of hentai magazines, Madhair suffered the tragedy of his skin turning yellow. Worse still, he had woken up the next morning to find his hair and skin grafted as one. This odd phenonemon resulted in his skin growing at the same rate as his hair. He now has to attend hospital regularly for a dose of SACSOFT medication. He wears a yellow/black cross on his blue T-shirt as a mark of respect for people that have died in this manner.

When the introduction was over, everyone left the room bar Madhair and Sin Scorpion. Ever the curious type, Sin mooched over and stared at Stu right between the eyes.

"So, you're Madhair_60, are you?" pondered Sin.

"No," came the reply.

"Huh? But Mike just said you were!"

"He lied. My name is Ermintrude."

"Hmm, are you wearing a blue shirt?"
"No, its green with hints of crimson."

"Do you ALWAYS lie like this?"
"No."

It was now past midday and the heat of the desert was at its highest it had been for months. Unfortunately, being Britain, this was still a significantly low temperature. Upon the working Boomers were 3 slackers, Kintobor, Hyperdude and Turbotails - a.k.a. Sonic Boom. Kintobor was the self-proclaimed leader of the 3. With a rather large, fuzzy, ginger moustache, he spent his days dressed as a professor, wishing he could actually be a real scientist. Hyperdude was what some would call an echidna. A pink one at that. There would be times when he wore a bandanna, where others it would magically disappear. His yellow teeth needed a clean too. Turbotails completed the mad trio. He always thought of himself as 't3h c00lz0rz' with his backwards cap but he had no redeeming features. His skateboard had been confiscated on conscription after it was suspected he was using it to smuggle cocaine into the forum. The evidence has never been seen....

The three were huddled in a large open space in the working field, eyes peeled on the new moderator.

"I reckon we should squeeze some info out of the newbie," thought Kintobor out loud.

"I'll do it!" yelped Hyperdude giddily. "I have a certain charm."

Hyperdude mosied over to Madhaair in a sickeningly-cute fashion. Feeling slightly intimidated by his glare, Hyper began to introduce himself.

"Hi there, sir. My name is Hyperdude. Are you the new guard here?"

"No," came the solemn reply.

"Ohh....are you a nice moderator?"

"Oh yes, I'm the nicest damn moderator you'll ever meet!"

".....do you always lie like this?" asked Hyperdude quietly.

"No."

"Cool, then will you...?"

"KEEP TALKING TO ME!!" yelled Madhair as he thrust his cattle prod into HD's side.

"Yaaaahh!" cried Hyper as he ran away, sobbing.

A few minutes had passed and the Sonic Boom trio had been fiercely planning another escape. After all, their last plan of dressing up Turbotails as a Gargoyle hadn't fooled Ed.

"Are you sure this is the case, Hyper?" asked Kintobor firmly.

"Damn straight!" he replied. "Everything he says is a lie!"

"Then you know what to do, Turbotails."

"Of course."

Turbotails strolled off to speak with Madhair in an attempt to retrieve the password to the Hume Palace. Unfortunately, there was a flaw in this plan. Ever-present in TT's ears were earphones blaring out impossibly loud music, making him oblivous to the world around him. Due to this, he had mistaken Hyperdude as saying 'Nothing he says is a lie!'. How wrong he was....

"Mr Hair, sir, is the code to the Hume Palace 'OMG11squared'?" Turbotails asked politely.

"You've got me there, that's exactly right," sighed Madhair.

"Heh heh. Pwned!"

After midnight, the corridors were empty once again. The security had been stepped up significantly since Team Dark broke out but that wasn't saying much. Now, all that stood between Turbotails and the Hume Palace was a randomly discarded painting of Arbok (of Pokémon fame) in all his purple glory. Making his way stealithily to the Hume gateway, TT could seehis breath in front of his eyes in the biting chill. Finding the key panel to enter the code, Turbotails tapped at the digits.

'ACCESS DENIED!!21!' came the booming voice as the password was rejected. TT began sweating profusely, his fur becoming soggy with fear. Someone must have heard that! He stared at the entered code in dismay.

"T-that was the wrong code?" he whimpered.

"No it isn't."

Turbotails spun around to face Madhair, armed with a Longsword. His face was bland, no expression could show how he would feel to end this intruder's life. His free arm twitched, anticipating the battle.

"I'll never be able to defeat you, Turbotails," continued Madhair.

"T-then why are you challenging me?" stammered TT in response.

"Because I don't want to see you DIE!" With that, Madhair charged at the fox and TT pulled a randomly placed axe off the wall. A rampaging battle ensued, one that would surely go down in the history bookd. Each party fought valiantly, oozing strenth and courage. However, with one wide swipe of a sword, TT found himself unarmed and at the end of Madhair's sword.

"There's nothing more I have to say to you," said Madhair, gasping for breath.

"Then I guess..." started Turbotails in dismay.

"I am your father."

Turbotails stood frozen into submission. He'd just received an irregularly disturbinbg piece of news. Finally summoning the strength to speak...

"No you're not!"

But before he had a chance to think on this matter in more detail, Turbotails found his head swiped clean off.

It was 3 days before Sin noticed the new league table in the Lounge Zone. Top of the list of 'Boomer Slayers' was Madhair_60. Sin looked at the table in dismay.

"Top of the Slayers!?"cried Sin in exasperation. "That MUST be a lie!"